Jeff Faulkner

Dysfunctional Roles and Their Impact on the Business
February 28, 2008

Previously I described the family and business roles that exist along with responsibilities. Complicating the family business is dysfunctional roles that exist within the family. Understanding these roles can help you function more effectively in the family and business. These roles were first identified by family therapy expert, Virginia Satir:

The Placator – The placator, or peacemaker, tries to keep everyone happy, in order to be loved, and will take the blame for things going wrong. The key word for a placator is "agree", at all costs. I have seen many over-controlling parents in this role in the family business. When the dad is the founder of the company and also serves as the control rod of family conflict, a volcanic reaction is virtually guaranteed upon his withdrawal from the business.

The Blamer – The Blamer believes that he is always right, but that no one will accept his view of the world. He often believes that unless he yells, he won’t be heard. As a result inside he feels lonely and unsuccessful. Our firm was recently approached by a father who had fired his son for lack of performance. The son, who was already angry at dad over his parents divorce many years before, launched an unlawful termination suit against his father. They’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in court, because this kid is a blamer and has not yet learned to accept personal responsibility.

The Computer – The Computer believes that by being "super-reasonable" he will show people how smart he really is. His body language suggests calmness and correctness, but inside he feels vulnerable. In one case a prospective successor couldn’t get over his rightness and reasonableness and ticked customers off because he was unwilling to come out of the “right” box in order keep them happy and coming back.  

The Distracter – All children want to be seen and noticed. The Distracter will indulge in irrelevancies, or misbehaviour, in order to get noticed. They are actually telling themselves that nobody wants them or really cares for them. I once worked with a family business in which the 30-something year old son and identified successor, was constantly making a mockery of himself in public environments. He said more than anything else he just wanted his father to accept him the way he was. Until his father does that, this guy will continue being a distracter.

These roles have been expounded upon and include such terms as victim, scapegoat, rescuer, persecutor, etc. The family business is the stage upon which family dysfunction will play. What can your family do to overcome and alleviate these dysfunctional roles and the negative impact upon your business?

1. Clarify and utilize straight communication,
2. Learn to identify and express feelings, and
3. Foster an environment of mutual acceptance and warmth. 

Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if some of these patterns exist within your family. The health of your family and business depend upon it.

Posted by Jeff Faulkner on February 28, 2008 | Comments (0)