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Holiday “Family Feud”
July 25, 2008
Dear Ricci: My father insists on discussing business issues with us whenever we get together for holiday events. These discussions always dominate anything else we are trying to do – whether it is carving the Thanksgiving turkey or have a birthday party for one of the grandchildren. My father has strong opinions and we don’t always agree on issues, so our discussions usually end up destroying whatever family event brought us together. How can we avoid this as no one wants to get together socially anymore? A.W.
It is natural for your father to feel it’s appropriate to discuss business issues whenever you get together because the business is everyone’s “golden goose” and it’s success should be as important to everyone as it is to him. It is also most likely his primary way of relating to the family as the Patriarch (Boss). However, it doesn’t allow the rest of the family to relax and enjoy each other during a time of celebration. There is a time and a place for everything, as detailed previously in “No Boundaries and No Escape!” The time to discuss day-to-day business issues is during regularly scheduled meetings at the office, with an established agenda and other appropriate management staff.
There may be family-related issues to discuss outside of operational management that merits discussion with the greater family, such as estate or succession planning, wealth management or charitable giving activities. These discussions are best held away from the holiday table and scheduled on an annual basis through the Family Business Council, as described in my previous entry, “We Haven’t a Clue!”
In order to have the most successful outcome to preserve everyone’s nerves and relationships, it is highly recommended to have these meetings at least annually, in a neutral location with the assistance of an experienced facilitator who can provide leadership, guidance and training to help you make the most of this experience. This facilitator should be able to:
- Provide the objectivity to make it safe to discuss emotional or difficult issues;
- Establish ground rules for acceptable behavior during problem solving discussions;
- Keep everyone accountable to make sure you are accomplishing what is agreed to in established timeframes;
- Provide assistance in establishing agendas and direction to keep the meetings focused.
Hopefully once your family has the proper venue to discuss important issues on a regular basis, you should be able to find some semblance of “normality” during family BBQs and Easter egg hunts. Just remember, there is nothing “normal” about being part of a family business, and some of the generational banter just comes with the territory!
Posted by Ricci M. Victorio on July 25, 2008 | Comments (0)
