Dave Ciambella

The Power of Tough Love!
February 21, 2008

“I am not sure what to do with my son”, said the frustrated business owner. “He just does not seem to be motivated! Doesn’t he understand what a tremendous opportunity he has to someday run this business?”

As I probed to gain a better understanding of the situation, it became evident that his son had no past experience other than getting about everything he ever wanted without working for any of it. He had not had any meaningful work experience where he had to deal with adversity or overcome a problem on his own. Up to this point his son had not had any meaningful successes he could call his own. What a travesty!

As a parent, I wholeheartedly understand a parents’ desire to want to provide for their child. Most, if not all, parents want to give their children many of the things they did not have while growing up. However, there comes a point when enough is enough! The frustrated parent mentioned above gave his son an abundance of material things, but, unfortunately, neglected to instill the values and characteristics (work ethic, commitment, integrity and perseverance) that were instrumental in his becoming a successful business owner. Rather, he made it so easy for his son that in many ways he created a monster. Now what?

In cases like these, there are a few things that can be done to get your child redirected:

1. An apology from Dad and Mom would be a good first start.
2. Next, require your child find gainful employment outside of the family business for period of time (for example, two years) so he or she learns what it is like to be an employee and can make mistakes without being under the microscope. Also, the child can see what it is like to earn money for services rendered, understand what paying taxes is like and can learn to survive on their own in this dog eat dog world.
3. When appropriate, begin educating your child on the opportunities that exist in your family business, as well as inform him or her of the criteria required to obtain a position in the family business. For example, there must be an available position and pay will be consistent with the job being performed by a non-family member employee, etc.

While some might consider this harsh, I consider it to be tough love. In the long run you will be less frustrated and more importantly, your child will be better prepared to take on the challenges that lie ahead! That’s the power of love!

Posted by Dave Ciambella on February 21, 2008 | Comments (0)