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No Boundaries and No Escape!
July 21, 2008
Dear Ricci: I work for my father-in-law in a second-generation family business and I am suffering from a lack of privacy and autonomy with my own growing family. It’s hard enough dealing with in-laws and I don’t want to say or do anything that will jeopardize this relationship, as our financial and career security is at risk. They seem to know everything we are doing – day and night – what do we do? S.W.
If you want to enjoy quality relationships with your immediate family, in-laws and co-workers you must establish clear boundaries. If you don’t, the claustrophobia will only increase and eventually force a break of some kind that will most likely not have a happy ending. Here are a few tips that should enhance overall family harmony and provide you the privacy you need:
- Identify with your father-in-law appropriate times and places to discuss personal and business issues. Avoid discussions regarding business operations at the dinner table. Whenever possible, keep your work at the office. Conversely, manage family interruptions at the office.
- Keep family matters confidential from the business environment. Conversely, keep business matters confidential from friends and neighbors.
- Living in such close quarters has its good and bad points. If you are expected to attend large family gatherings for most holiday and special events, be sure to plan private activities with your immediate family separate from larger family gatherings to promote the intimate bonding so important to each individual family unit.
- Never EVER triangulate to politic your point of view or gain favors through family members, in-laws or co-workers. Handle your issues personally, professionally and maturely with the person you have issues with.
- Don’t expect your spouse or in-laws to be sensitive to your “cues”. Say what you mean. If not, your truth will show through in your mannerisms and create doubt and suspicion to your sincerity. Be sure to think before reacting to make sure you are communicating what you really want to say.
- Be careful of “pillow talk” about business issues that can damage opinions of others. Remember, you will resolve whatever issue is bothering you. Your spouse may not be aware of the resolution and hold a grudge.
Posted by Ricci M. Victorio on July 21, 2008 | Comments (2)
