Loyd Rawls

How to Avoid the "Dark Side" of the In-Law Dilemma in Family Business
February 7, 2008

Welcoming an in-law into your family is replete with challenges that set the foundation for future family and business dynamics. This is no place for the weak or squeamish, so stop the whining and prepare yourself for playing the cards you are dealt.

Here are a few experience-proven methods of reducing the stress and distraction associated with in-laws in a family business environment.   

The critical components of in-law dynamics are acceptance and respect. 

Convey unconditionally that you accept your in-laws as individuals. Acceptance does not mean that you have to be a phony and pretend you like them. But, it does mean that you are going to do everything in your power to be kind and courteous, and you are not going to disrespect them by trying to change them to meet your perception of good or bad.  Although undoubtedly a delicate challenge, it is possible for you to accept your in-laws as individuals while also trying to improve the situation.

Loose any mantra of expecting or demanding respect from your prospective or current in-law because of who you are. 

The only respect you will ever get is the respect that you earn. In the infamous “Catch-22” tradition, the fundamental condition for respect is acceptance. Unfortunately, with all interpersonal conclusions relying heavily upon preconceived perceptions, you may never earn the respect you covet. However, even in the face of this dilemma, rise above it and keep going the extra mile of acceptance to earn respect. Humility is a small price for greater family harmony. 

Show integrity by communicating directly with those whose offense compels a response.

• Try to be less sensitive (not demanding respect) and, whenever possible, suck up the offense in the best interest of greater family harmony recognizing that occasionally we all step in it.
• Reframe from triangular communication that is predictably distorted and inflamed when a second party overtly or inadvertently conveys your message.
• Give no one a license to express opinions on your behalf.
• Encourage a Family Business Council where in you can communicate directly with in-laws on matters which impact family harmony, business productivity, your acceptance and your ultimate happiness.

Always try to do the right thing and personally proclaim that you will not accept anything less than the:

 “In-law Trifecta: good independent marriages, a loving interdependent family environment and a strong bonding business that is better positioned for succession.”  

Posted by Loyd Rawls on February 7, 2008 | Comments (0)