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How In-Laws Impact a Business
February 5, 2008
The positive or negative impact of an in-law in a family business can create euphoria or suffocating stress. The reality is that neither parents nor siblings have any significant impact upon the selection of in-laws.
From a positive perspective, marriage can be a sobering event that pulls Junior or Sissy out of the predictably disorienting zone of courtship and romance. Marriage ideally initiates longer term, more mature thinking. When the in-law is receptive to their spouse’s career in the family business, they can be depended upon to gin up the competitive juices to make sure their new family unit gets a fare share of recognition, compensation, ownership and benefits.
However, on the downside, the stress of in-laws is usually a by-product of unreasonable expectations and pent up resentment.
From the parent’s and/or sibling’s perspective:
The newly wed child/sibling is expected to put personal sacrifice and business advancement first and not be concerned about compensation, time off or the advancement of siblings or friends. Parents also expect their home to be the default location for celebrating holidays. Male in-laws are expected to be more considerate and ambitious and the female in-laws less sensitive and more grateful. Unreasonable in-laws expect the spouse’s parents to retire ASAP so their spouse can take over.
From the in-law’s perspective and the impact they have on their spouse:
Being potentially thrown into the ring with a successful family can cause an in-law to naturally rebel at the mere perception that their in-laws are telling them how to live their lives. Predictably, offended in-laws pressure or manipulate their spouse to get even or gain the respect of insensitive or bullish family members. In-laws from significantly different backgrounds commonly conclude that pompous, condescending, heir-do-well, brother/sister-in-laws should spend more time doing something productive versus manipulating Daddy for personal or business advancement.
The negative fallout of in-laws can make the business appear more like a mine field than a team driven enterprise that can fulfill everyone’s needs and dreams. Communication becomes stifled because no one wants to get a foot blown off by tripping on a sensitive issue.
In the absence of open communication, the synergy advantage of a family business goes caput. The “we-the-family” attitude becomes the “me-the-winner” over the perceived forces of evil emanating from the dark side of this “crazy family.” Lines are drawn as in-laws are perceived to be viruses and parents insecure and micro managing.
Next we will look at ways we can avoid the dark side of the “in-law” dilemma.
Posted by Loyd Rawls on February 5, 2008 | Comments (0)
