Loyd Rawls

Managing In-Laws
February 5, 2008

The most emotionally burdensome aspect of family business is the advent of in-laws. In-laws are like the “Shadow”, a mysterious force whose influence is without boundary. Helping or hindering, in-laws are either a vitamin or virus to the family and business body. These new members of the family are never a neutral force, ultimately either strengthening or weakening the family and business.

There are both family and business reasons for the in-law dilemma. To enhance our understanding let’s look first at family, then business and, subsequently, consider ways that we can reduce the odds that in-laws will become a debilitating virus to your family business.

In bearing concerns about a forthcoming wedding, parents commonly express hope that the new in-law will not change their child’s family attitude, work ethic, ambition, etc. My response is to suggest that they expect change because in the absence of change neither they nor their child can expect a successful marriage. The parents in a family business are confronted with a difficult question, would we rather our family and business circumstances not change or would we rather our child establish a happy marriage that could support succession and bless us with beautiful grand children?

I suggest that we hope and pray for the “In-law Trifecta”:

1. Change in favor of a good marriage
2. A loving family environment
3. Strong business that is better positioned for succession 

The fundamental reason that in-laws impact a family is that when Junior or Sissy marry their priorities change. The ideal spiritual expectation of marriage is “two shall become one.”

The initial phase of marriage involves a negotiation to define joint priorities. The certainty is that these negotiations will make some conclusions that Mom and Dad think are inappropriate or even insane, such as:

• The world does not revolve around the family’s business
• Family time is more important than business growth
• The in-law’s family environment is more accepting
• It’s time for the successor to assume business control and start making the big bucks 

There is also the bizarre expectation that Mom and Dad forget this “blood is thicker than water” stuff and treat children and in-laws equally.

So, Mom and Dad, if Junior or Sissy seems both different in the first few years of marriage, give them some slack and pray that they have married a vitamin. They are trying to figure out what concessions they should make within the realm of joint priorities, goals and values that are compatible to them, you, and the rest of the family.

By in large, parents are just along for the ride, relegated to making the best of the impact the new spiritual union will have on their family.

We’ll look next at how in-laws impact the business.  

Posted by Loyd Rawls on February 5, 2008 | Comments (0)