Jeff Faulkner

Family Dynamics and the Business

Ok. So assuming your family stays together, what are the other commonalities of healthy family environments?

 In healthy families:

• The self-worth of individual family members is high. There is unity as a family unit, but there is also great respect for individuality. The individuals are confident in who they uniquely are.
• Communication is effective. It’s clear, direct, specific and honest. They practice “straight-talk.” Refrain from sarcasm. No guessing at where you stand with each other. No triangulation. No avoidance of conflict.
• Rules are flexible, appropriate, and change-able as circumstances change.
• They do not pigeonhole each other into roles – “he’s the quiet one,” “She’s the black sheep,” etc.;
• Boundaries with the rest of the world are semi-permeable. They are open and hopeful regarding the culture at large.

In contrast, in troubled families:

• Self-worth is low. Family members have difficulty differentiating themselves individually from the family as a whole.
• Communication is ineffective. It’s indirect, ambiguous, and not really honest (that’s a nicer way of saying dishonest). There is sarcasm, avoidance of conflict and triangulation.
• Rules are unyielding, non-negotiable and unending.
• Boundaries between the family and the rest of the world are rigid, closed off, fearful andcensuring.

To build healthy families characterized by the above healthy traits, we need to instill an affirming and nurturing environment in which parents see their role as more than merely providers of physical needs. They are to be the providers of physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs. Parents need high self-esteem to enable them to be appropriate role models. Our influence as parents flows out from within, from our deepest sense of values, priorities, and our view of the world. Husbands and wives who affirm each other in the context of these values and convictions are those who best affirm their children. Divorce is rare in couples who affirm one another in this way. It is rare for families who are affirming and nurturing in this way to disintegrate.

Further, parents who have carefully examined their values and view of the world will have a positive influence on their children because what they do flows out of who they are. What they say they believe is important enough to them to eliminate inconsistent things.

In other words, it requires intentionality, strategic planning for your family and a lot of hard work to have a healthy family. The payoff will be very rewarding.

Check out my previous blog - What Do Healthy Families Have in Common & It's Impact on the Business...

Posted by Jeff Faulkner on June 19, 2009 | Comments (1)