Dan Schneider

It takes Discipline to Walk the Talk
July 30, 2008

The phone rang and the person on the other end got down to business immediately. “This culture survey you talked us into has been a disaster. All it’s done is surface problems and give people a chance to moan and groan about how we – and they mean me – aren’t keeping promises, living our values, and generally abusing them. What’ve you got say for yourself?” “Are they right?” I asked.  “Are you trying to be a wise guy (he used other words)?” he responded. “It’s a pretty simple question, Kim. Are they right?”

He and I both knew the answer: They were. Like most of us, Kim is basically well intentioned. People give him credit for that. What they struggle with is Kim’s apparent lack of attention to the promises made to partners, employees, and family members. While he talks about honesty, integrity, and openness, he has a ways to go to convince people that he truly believes in building a relationship. They see him as being only after profit.

Family members, employees and business associates invariably say “He means well. He just can’t help himself. He’s so wrapped up in what’s going on.” If you think this describes what people are saying about you, I’ve got some good news for you. You really can do something to change that image, if it’s one you don’t particularly care to have.

The answer is simple. It’s just not always easy. It isn’t easy because many of us are driven more by strategy than by value. And that, based on my experience – personal and professional – is a blueprint for a shipwreck.

Take a look at a typical “when things go wrong” scenario.

We tell people (family, business, club members) we believe in treating people with dignity and respect. They look at each other, wink, nod, and chuckle silently. Why?

• Because we’re consistently late for appointments.
• We make cutting remarks.
• We focus on shortcomings.
• We criticize people for being negative.
• We consistently bring up the past.
• We’ve become so successful that we’ve forgotten we’re human.

Here’s an approach that works for many people, and it probably can work for you if you’re really serious about values.

• Develop a short list of generic values. Five is enough for starters.
• Create a “believability” T chart that lists the value at the top of the chart. Underneath the value, describe the positive behavior you associate with that value.
• On the left hand (consistent) side of the chart, list specific examples of well-aligned behaviors and comments. On the right hand (inconsistent) side of the chart, list specific examples of instances where you “blew it.”

Pretty soon, you’ll begin to see patterns – people, circumstances, events – that you can use to develop the objectivity and humility needed to acknowledge how critical integrity is to the pursuit of happiness. As in days of olde, the truth will set you free. Therein lies your liberty.

Posted by Dan Schneider on July 30, 2008 | Comments (0)