Loyd Rawls

Survival Guide to Emotional Stress in a Family Business
November 14, 2007

So, let’s assume the discussions in my previous post have stopped a looming, family business, natural disaster. You are no longer going to dump all the reasons you think your father is unfair or your brother is an idiot on your wife or husband and then ask them to put up with their crap on a family vacation. But, the question is how are you going to survive in the family business jungle if you can not download your emotions?

Here are a few survival thoughts:

• Consider history and give credence to the possibility that the most recent experience was just a heated business argument that occurs in the normal course of business.

What is the likelihood that the day after tomorrow you and the other party will not remember the circumstances of your negative emotional experience? If this is a classic business exchange where someone ultimately makes the final decision, don’t kick poor “fido” but take a jog, have a brewski or do something pleasantly distracting that will speed up the fade of this event from your memory

• Consider that you may have screwed up or you may be hypersensitive to coming under the authority of any family member.

Try to acknowledge that whoever was responsible had to make a decision and although that decision was contrary to your feelings, it will work. In such events try to accept that the sky is not falling and you can take a few negative emotions for the team. Allow me to offer consolation that when families are optimizing harmony, all family members are taking it for the team. It is possible that the long term harmony of the family may be more important that you achieving immediate relief from your frustrations.

• Find a non-family mentor that can talk you through stressful circumstances that lack rhyme, reason or fairness beyond your ability to cope.

If you have to download, find someone other than a family member who would be handicapped by what you have to express. Find someone who can give you legitimate objective advice. Understandably, you may want sympathy, not objective advice. In such case, find a confident that will hear your lamenting and offer consolation.

The defining characteristics of family are acceptance and sacrifice for the greater good of the family. To optimize your family’s business endeavors, accept that some of those you love the most are not equipped to handle your frustrations about other family members, and, when necessary, take it for the team by restraining and/or redirecting your emotional downloads.

Posted by Loyd Rawls on November 14, 2007 | Comments (0)