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Communication Red Flags - The Grass is Greener Over There
August 13, 2008
In my last post, Communication Red Flags “You Don’t Make Sense,” I continued a discussion of indicators that communication is going down the wrong path with a discussion of a failure to affirm.
A fifth red flag that communication is not going well is deterioration or decay. This begins to occur when the other red flags have been going on long enough that the relationship begins to lose any emotional connection or bonding. The fabric of the relationship begins to erode.
Identify the Indicators of Deterioration
When everything in the relationship begins to turn negative and there is no positive regard for the other person, deterioration and decay are beginning to set in. The other person cannot do anything or say anything right and, therefore, they must not be the right person to be in relationship with.
Understand the Long Term Impact and Decide if this is What You Want
By the time your relationship gets to this point, all trust in the other has leaked away. Without trust, the ability to restore the relationship may be a lost hope, and a relationship split is highly probable.
Identify the Underlying Belief
The faulty belief in deterioration and decay is “the grass is greener over there.” There is a belief that “I can walk away from this relationship and go find one that’s better suited to my needs.”
Replace the Faulty Belief with Truth
The way through this negative pattern is to realize that the truth of the matter is that the grass is greener where the grass gets watered and fertilized. Further, a recognition that the world does not revolve around you will soon come when you find another relationship only to eventually learn that the same patterns are beginning to emerge. This is because you never learned to identify these red flags and handle them effectively.
Relationship splits occur, and I don’t care whether we’re talking about marriages, father/son, or owner/partner relationships, when one person gives up on the relationship because of an extended period of experience with these red flags. I recently helped a business owner navigate a relationship split with a non-family manager. At one point, I said, “you know, you could have dealt with your distrust of this guy three years ago and you wouldn’t have gotten to this point.” He said, “I know, but I’ve always avoided conflict.”
Posted by Jeff Faulkner on August 13, 2008 | Comments (0)
