Gretchen Miller

So, the Boss’s Girlfriend Reports to YOU. Now what?
June 4, 2007

It’s day one in your new job. After a warm welcome by your new staff a co-worker pulls you aside and whispers in your ear - Susan, your top producer, has been dating your boss for about two years! Apparently you never caught wind of this little piece of gossip while working out on the West Coast. You thought your biggest adjustment would be losing the beaches and palm trees. Nothing could have prepared you for this.

Now what?
If this hasn’t happened to you yet – odds are pretty good that it will. According to a survey conducted by CareerBuilder, “more than half of employees have had a romantic relationship with a co-worker.” Not surprisingly, there is no shortage of opinions on the subject.According to another poll conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management, 58 percent of executives view office romances as unprofessional; 38 percent believe they end in disaster; and many more believe that they wreak havoc on morale.

Let’s face it – this is great water-cooler conversation but very little of that centers on what to do about it. Here are a few tips that can get you through the awkward moments and onto a productive working relationship.

Let policy be your guide
Most companies do not wish to promote romantic relationships in the workplace although very few have outright policies against them. To be certain, consult your company handbook or ask your Human Resources representative. If your situation is in violation of a company policy, it must be addressed soon because Susan reports to you. Keep in mind that office affairs have the potential to lead to sexual harassment lawsuits. The last thing you want is to ignore a situation that demands your attention.

Lay your cards on the table
In the example given above it would be ideal if Susan approached you to discuss her relationship. If that hasn’t happened after about a week you’ll have to initiate the conversation. Since you are the new supervisor – why not schedule one-on-one conversations with everyone on your team? That way you are not singling out Susan. While speaking to Susan, keep your mind open and assume the best. If she really is your top producer it is in everyone’s best interest that she continue to meet her goals. Acknowledge the relationship and express your faith in her professionalism. Be sure to ask if she has any concerns to share with you.

Check yourself
Does this relationship make you feel uncomfortable? Most people would say yes. It is OK to acknowledge that but it’s not OK to let it impact your behavior. If you end up treating Susan differently that could have a negative effect on her, on you and on your entire team. Be sure that everyone who reports to you is treated equitably. If you are in doubt consult your HR representative.

Avoid the blame game
What about your boss - isn’t this all his or her fault? Regardless of how you answer this question it won’t do you any good to assign blame. You just got promoted and presumably you want to do your best in your new role. Just as you had an open, honest conversation with Susan you need to do the same with your boss. It is best for you to initiate this. Perhaps it happens at the end of your first or second week. Once you have had individual conversations with your team you can schedule an update meeting with your boss. Demonstrate that you can address uncomfortable situations quickly and professionally and you can’t help but earn respect.

Make peace or move on
Like it or not you must come to terms with the situation if you want to stay in your job. Sure, it is possible that Susan may move to another office, department or even leave the company but for now she’s on your team and you have to assume that is the way it will be. Ultimately it is up to you to manage the situation and if you can’t handle it – it’s time to plan your exit strategy. Just be sure you do so on good terms!

Believe it or not – many people find a way to make it work. In our consulting practice we have noticed that those who keep an open dialogue and employ a healthy dose of professional respect find a way to get through the “scandal” and get down to business.

Posted by Gretchen Miller on June 4, 2007 | Comments (0)