Gretchen Miller

Working with Family: How to Survive
May 31, 2007

Growing up in a family-run business it was not unusual for me to hear about the trials and tribulations of Uncle Harry – unfortunately his antics weren’t happening at the last family gathering they were happening in the office!

Even today, in our consulting practice it is not uncommon for us to be asked to help out with unique and complicated situations involving family in the workplace. Blood may be thicker than water but there’s no denying that conflicts can arise when in-laws and/or siblings work together every day. Of course, the opposite may be true – knowing and trusting your family members can give you a sense of comfort, lead to deeper collaboration and speed the decision making process.

If you have a harmonious working situation with your family, then comment on this blog and let us all know how you have made it work so well! If you find yourself on the other end of the spectrum here are some tips that might make your work-life a little easier.

• Take a cue from Miss Manners.
  It is just as important to be respectful and cordial to your family as it is to co-workers or subordinates. Even if they pushed you around as a child – the workplace is not the place to retaliate.
• Draw the line.
  Spend social time with your family. Special outings, holidays or weekend activities – anything is fine as long as you don’t talk “shop”. This will help you to draw the line between the personal and professional aspects of your relationship.
• Keep it professional.
  Emotional outbursts, overt expressions of affection or condescending comments are not appropriate for anyone – even family. Keep in mind – you could make other employees feel uncomfortable or worse, lower their morale and desire to work for/with you.
• Behind closed doors.
  Keep private conversations private. Close your office door, use the conference room or step out for a cup of coffee. This is especially important if the matter at hand is emotionally charged or you are well aware that you do not see eye to eye.
• Get it in writing.
  If you own the company or if you hold a senior management position be certain you have a well- written, communicated company policy addressing reporting relationships. This will help everyone to avoid conflicts of interest, sexual harassment, or the potential appearance of either. Involve your Human Resources team and/or legal council whenever possible and be sure to review your guidelines and policies annually.
• Share and share alike?
  Most likely you are privy to the intimate details of your family members personal lives. Some things are trivial and benign while others are better left unsaid. When in doubt do not share personal details about your family with others at work. In turn your family members will take your lead.
• R-E-S-P-E-C-T
  Respect the plans, decisions, vision and authority of your family member – especially when you do not agree. Distinguish between your role in the family and your role in the workplace. Keep your behavior and communication appropriate for your role in the company.
• Take the good with the bad.
  No one is all good or all bad. But we are all human and where family is concerned it is very easy to focus on the negative. Be mindful of this and do your best to keep a balanced view.

Sometimes the stress levels are just too high or the business and the staff are suffering as a result of your dysfunctional family/work relationships. Even with the best of intentions and a laundry list of suggestions you may find that you just can’t make it work. If your work-life has become untenable, look for my next blog where I’ll offer some practical ideas to change your situation or as we say at UKNY, “Change your corner of the world”.

Posted by Gretchen Miller on May 31, 2007 | Comments (0)